New Course Materials

Like Sirens, they call me.
“Look at me… look at me…”
“No – I must be strong.” I look away. “Get thee behind me, New Course Materials!”
I ignore them, but they sit there, muttering and sulking.
“You can sulk all you like,” I tell them, “I don’t have the time. I’m revising. I’ve got an exam soon. When that’s out of the way, then YES – I will come out to play.”
“Oh, but something might be missing – then what would you do? You’d be stuck then… and you’d get behind… and you don’t like that, do you?”
“Oh, OK then – since you are not going to give me any peace – I’m simply going to check you out, make sure everything is there that should be… YES… All present and correct. Now where was I? Ah yes, looking at British TV genres.” (AA310 Film & TV History)
*small cough* “Er... excuse me….”
“YES?” I snap.
“OK – so you’ve checked we’re all here, but we might not work… it’s not like we are a book, we are CD ROMs and DVDs – we might be corrupt.”
“OK, I’ll install the software – will that stop the nagging?”
“Yes.”
“And you’ll promise to stop distracting me?”
“Oh yes!”
“Right… OK then – but you are going on Computer Number 2, the one I use for photo and video editing – I’m not falling into the trap of switching Computer Number 1 on – the one that links me to the outside world, with Scrabble games and Facebook and the Wonderful Wondrous Web and online shopping and emails that offer me Ugg-boots and chocolate and gadgets and all manner of extensive surgery – improving the parts of me I don’t actually possess, for that would be foolish.”
“Yeah, whatever!”

Computer Number 2 purrs into life, all snazzy blue lights, instant – well compared to the 10 minutes Number 1 needs to load all it’s bits and pieces, with it’s annoying habit of telling me there’s no firewall installed because it hasn’t got round to loading it yet. Computer Number 1 is a doddery old man. In Doctor Who terms it's William Hartnell. Number 2 is more David Tennant.

“Oy! New course materials!”
“Yes?” (Innocent and wounded.)
“You said if I loaded the software, you’d stop distracting me!”
“I have.”
“Then why am I thinking about David Tennant?”
“Nothing to do with me gov. Thought you were revising!”
“Yes – I am trying to.”
“Wot you revising?”
“Science Fiction, Star Trek, Doctor Who…”
“There you go then – not my fault.”
“Sorry.”
“I should think so too. I was sitting here, minding my own business, didn’t even draw your attention to the DVD.”
“The DVD?”
“Yes – the tutorials.”
“Oh, I see, well I don’t need to do those yet.”
“Might be scratched.”
“What?”
“It might be scratched.”
“I heard… I’m installing it now!”
“Good, then you can go back to your revision.”
“Yeeeeeeessss…. Ooooooh… tutorials… better check them through…..”

(Three hours later.)

“Hello!!”
“Shhhhhhhhh!”
“HELLO-O?”
“I am trying to concentrate!”
“But it’s lunchtime.”
“Oh, it’s YOU stomach. Here have these crisps.”
“But I want REAL food.”
“Can’t, too busy. Have them and shut up. You LIKE crisps.”
“But I had crisps for breakfast.”
“And…?”
“All the salt is making me thirsty.”
“But if I have to go downstairs to get a drink I’ll get distracted… and I need to do well in the exam… I’m rubbish at exams… I need to……”
“Revise?”
“Aghhhhhhhhh! Oh evil, evil New Course Materials. You KNOW I am weak and easily distracted.
“Yes,” (sounding smug now), “You should have got back to work!”
“Oh don’t worry, I will. I am going to put the other computer on now, to type up my notes.”

(Ten minutes later)

“I will be strong…
Just need to check for emails… Oh mainly junk, *delete*, *delete*, *delete*… I’ll check my Scrabble games, rude to keep people waiting… I’ll just update my Facebook status. Right – load Microsoft Word, ready to type up notes…
Focus…
Focus…
Focus…
Dr Who and Star Trek… is… um… Come on brain… You KNOW this….
Don’t wander… don’t wander…”
“Space, the final frontier.”
“Go away.”
“Captain’s Log…”
“Stop it.”
“Captain’s Log… Captain’s Blog…”
“BLOG? Oh I know – I could write a blog about revision.